1/10 Good days

I have a 1/10 good days!

The bad days:

I oversleep, I undersleep, I get sick, I get bloated, I am waiting for money in my bank account, I have to go to the doctor for the second time in a week, I am withdrawing some med that was keeping me sane, I’m bitter, I’m sensitive to noise, I can’t focus at all, I need to workout, I am too socially anxious to go into my living room and run into my rommies, I feel lonely, I hate my hair, I hate my body, I don’t have food in the fridge, I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t feel like doing anything, I feel old, I feel resented, I can’t date, I am easily distracted.

The good days:

I have lust for life, I have energy, I enjoy doing things, I know where I am going, I am sociable, I have hope, I feel FINE, I feel hot, I feel beautiful, I can see what makes me special and unique, I want to show everyone that I’m not always miserable, I workout.

Young, beautiful and healthy?!

This is a selfie from when I visited my aunt and uncle in Halifax , super zen house, I was detoxing from Xanax,Effexor and Zolpidem so I didn’t get to enjoy as much as I should’ve. It’s crazy when you’re young & naive (I’d say under 18), enjoying just comes natural, you either like it or not. There are not a series of traumas attached to everything you can possibly do.
This song reminds me of the fact that once I wasn’t a scarred, traumatized, fearful little human. One of the things that really have stopped me from living is guilt, feeling like I’m dirty. I don’t want to feel this way but I don’t know how to get rid of it.

When I left my last job, an older co-worker told me something I can’t forget : “Ana, just remember one thing: You’re beautiful, young and healthy. ” It’s crazy because I feel worn out, sick and everyday I have to remind myself why I’m beautiful and I’m very skeptical about that statement.