1/10 Good days

I have a 1/10 good days!

The bad days:

I oversleep, I undersleep, I get sick, I get bloated, I am waiting for money in my bank account, I have to go to the doctor for the second time in a week, I am withdrawing some med that was keeping me sane, I’m bitter, I’m sensitive to noise, I can’t focus at all, I need to workout, I am too socially anxious to go into my living room and run into my rommies, I feel lonely, I hate my hair, I hate my body, I don’t have food in the fridge, I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t feel like doing anything, I feel old, I feel resented, I can’t date, I am easily distracted.

The good days:

I have lust for life, I have energy, I enjoy doing things, I know where I am going, I am sociable, I have hope, I feel FINE, I feel hot, I feel beautiful, I can see what makes me special and unique, I want to show everyone that I’m not always miserable, I workout.

3:40 AM

HI! Just got home from 4 exhausting hours in the pursue of validation.

You know when you anticipate and have a set of  reasonable expectations and they’re not even remotely met?? YEEP. I’m not very picky when it comes to men but I do absolutely need someone bigger/taller than me (just a bit). I’m 5’2 so it’s not like I’m asking for miracles, someone with a non-stinky-breath, someone with a higher pitch voice than mine!

I try my hardest to reject someone in a way that they don’t feel like they’re being rejected and spent most of my time on the date trying to figure out how to do so. I liked him as a person, he was very easy going, but I felt absolutely nothing in terms of attraction, not saying he wasn’t hot he just wasn’t my type so I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM ON THE FIRST DATE! YAY, someone that turns me off so much that my slutty self it’s forced to take it easy. The worst thing is that a lot of the guys that have rejected me have probably felt this way. 😦 :S

On the other hand there’s was this guy that has been hitting on me for a while and as soon as I left the date I just went over to his place to see if he made me feel something, It didn’t do much for me so 30 minutes into “La Femme Nikita” and chill, I decided to rush home, it’s like -30 outside so I had to sprint here, and so I’m here now, halfway drunk embarrassed of my dumb self about to pass out on my bed.

I think I lost my hope on Tinder and just guys in general………..(What am I supposed to use to mask my misery then?)

Advice?