.

SOMEONE IS PLAYING WITH MY MIND AND THEY DONT KNOW THAT ITS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME RIGHT NOW

AS I WRITE I WONDER IF IM CRAZY

I DONT WANT TO BE IN MY BODY RIGHT NOW I DONT WANT TO FEEL IM SICK OF BEING SO CONFUSED

 

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DON’T PRETEND

I KNOW YOU LIKE HER STILL  I KNOW IM TEMPORARY I KNOW I COULD NEVER BE YOUR IDEAL GIRL I KNOW YOURE FULL OF SHIT I KNOW YOURE NOT GOOD FOR ME NO ONE IS I KNOW YOU DEEP DOWN JUST WANT TO HOOK UP W YOUR FUCKING GROUPIES WHEN YOU GO ON TOUR I KNOW YOU SAY YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME BUT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MESSAGING YOUR EX IF SO EVERYONE IS SO FULL OF SHIT I WANT OUT IM NOT CHILL I KNOW I WILL REGRET THIS AND I JUST CANT HELP MYSELF

ALONE

you know why my depression is unbearable because it pushes people away when i need them the most my constant need to please people makes me pretend I’m ok in order to not be a drag or put weight on everyone, everyone likes me when I’m happy but no one is there when I’m feeling like shit and i don’t know if I want them. YES I have my family I could call them but i’ve spent so much time on my own that it’s so hard to contact them when I’m low, it makes me feel disgusting and I end up lonely and I end up like the girl who was too much.

I’m so sick of living like this, my mom is alive and i dwell for her everyday, i dwell for my country, I dwell for what I could’ve been. I can’t look at my bank account, I can’t make the calls. 

I need help and I don’t know where to find it.

I wish I could get high right now just to get through the night without hurting myself.

F the apps

If that one person I care about doesn’t like me back I relapse.

I always end up in dating apps looking for someone. People that know me keep telling me they don’t understand why I even need to, like I’m supposed to have a bunch of people already waiting to date me. I don’t feel that way and every time I do like someone they reject me. (I don’t know if it’s partially my fault because I act crazy if they don’t pay attention to me at some point) I’m so emotionally exhausted from dating can someone tell me how to deal with rejection?

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Getting ready for rejection

I know I shouldn’t be drinking but I have and last night I got ready to see someone I like and drunk texted him, this morning It’s confirmed, we wont be hanging out romantically anymore. I just sped up the process of rejection by being a drunk loser. I was doing so well I have to go back…

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I’m borderline

Hi, I thought I “CURED” myself from depression but I had a relapse this monday and spent 3 days at the hospital.
I have bordeline personality disorder and that explains my messy unstable emotional life.
My next step It’s to find ways to cope with it but I keep on swimming and eating healthy..
Rejection kills me tho… and I am currently feeling rejected.
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